Month: February 2016

The Handshake

I was planning to leave this one for later, but as I embark on yet another journey to find a receptionist I come to realise that it cannot wait.

To all young professionals, graduates and job-seekers out there:  Learn how to shake hands! I am not even talking about firm vs weak handshakes (and I hate weak handshakes with a passion); I am talking about the general principle behind them.

It is mind-boggling to me that independent, educated adults, many of whom with various years of work experience, do not understand the relevance of introductions and first impressions. Presentation is a big part of the game.

Endless numbers of career coaching pages advise on how to prepare for an interview, what to wear, what questions to ask, how to follow up after. Those pages are out there for a reason. Read them.

If you come in for an interview, barely introducing yourself and mumbling, and I have to prompt you for a handshake expectantly, well that is STRIKE 1… and we haven’t even spoken yet.

In most cases, I am not that fussed about your outfit, and I am not even that worried about you being here 15 minutes before the scheduled interview time (I’m well aware that this is London and TfL can be a pain), but I do care about how you act once you arrive and after we are done talking. The handshake is the opening and closing scene of your personal presentation. The one at the beginning says “Hello, I am pleased to be here! I am ready to discuss my credentials with you!“;  the one in the end says “Thank you for your time! I’m looking forward to being a part of your team!“.  This is regardless of how you feel your interview went! You must open, perform and close on a confident note. There is a thing called interview etiquette, however I will talk about it in another post.

You want me to want you to work here, you are the one who should be thanking the interviewer for their time, not the other way around. You can sell your resume in a 100 different ways, but learning how to sell yourself and your character is just as important.

Keep that in mind next time you go in for an interview.

 

To all the people who think that “Your English is great” qualifies as a compliment

I am 100% behind the expectation to know the language of the country in which you happen to live and work (just like I support the expectation of knowing the address of the dentist you are going to, prior to leaving the house).

HOWEVER… while there are some poor vocabularies and strong accents out there (and I’m not even counting the ones WITHIN the English language across Britain), the assumption that a foreigner cannot speak proper English, or that people from certain parts of the world speak bad English by default, pisses me off to no end.

My personal favourites: “Oh, you’re Bulgarian?! But your English is so good! I would’ve never guessed.” OR  “Bulgarian? Really? Your English is great, you speak without any accent!” OR “You’re Bulgarian?! But you were raised here right? Because your English is really good” OR “Your English is great! I can understand perfectly everything you are saying!”

Every time I’m told any of this I smile and nod, and say “Thank You” while on the inside I’m just like : “HOW ABOUT YOU FUCK OFF!?!?!”

1) I DO NOT have a speech impediment and YOU AREN’T hard of hearing. Of course you will understand everything I say, you prick! Comprehension, however, is a separate issue, because it requires a level of intellect which you have just proven not to have.

2) Being a native of an Anglo-Saxon country DOES NOT guarantee perfect and/or accent free English. If it did, then the North East should be a sovereign state based on language alone…

3) I, just like many others worldwide, started learning English in pre-school. That’s 20 years ago! That’s more time spent with English grammatical rules than a good percentage of the natives, so yes I DO speak English correctly and I know how to use slang properly. U get me?

4) A am a certified English teacher, and a Russell Group graduate. The world of academia has concluded that my English is at a high enough level for academic discussion and research, and that my spelling, grammar and vocabulary are good enough to be taught to other people. And I am not the only foreigner with this type of qualifications! Hence, your bewilderment at the clarity of my pronunciation is both surprising and pathetic. I live and work in the United Kingdom, speaking English properly is kind of a rule. They actually teach us that in Immigration and Welfare 101 before we come over here! (And NO, that’s NOT a real class, you prejudiced twat!)

So yes, I am a Bulgarian with a brilliant English. You going on a rant about strong Eastern European accents you’ve encountered does not make your “compliment” any less offensive. And yes, yes, I know – you are not saying it maliciously; most of the time you actually think you are being really nice and friendly. I STILL DON’T GIVE A SHIT!

I’ll keep smiling and nodding in gratitude but just know that while I’m nodding I’m wishing you orbited a black hole*.

*10 points for those who get the science behind this statement

The Struggles of the Young Professional

While looking through CVs and LinkedIn/Reed/Indeed/Totaljobs/Milkround/Monster/etc. profiles a pattern emerges: the good young professional is a motivated self-starter with great communication skills and the ability to remain calm under pressure; an individual with initiative and impeccable team spirit; a multitasking, enthusiastic master of timekeeping.

Hahahahahhahahahahaahahhahaahahahahahha

Please….. I’ve interviewed enough people to know that’s ridiculous.

The problem is multiple career websites out there keep saying “don’t be generic”, ” make your CV pop”, “get the LinkedIn profile your career deserves”. Yeah, give us £15 a month and we will help you get the job you want.
Right! I was broke before I graduated and I was broke after. You’re not guaranteeing me a job but a newsletter with what you consider helpful tips. I’ll be damned if I give you a week’s worth of groceries every month so you can touch up my cover letter.

It is at that moment of rebellion when job hunting becomes a fulltime job, a 24/7 occupation that does not guarantee employment in any way, shape or form. This applies to fresh graduates and people already in employment who want to change careers. And many times for the young professional, this full time job hunting is happening while trying to lead an independent adult life. You find a flat with a rent that doesn’t lead to bankruptcy, you commute to work in the same stressful situation every day, a couple of times a week you grab a coffe-to-go from the local bakery in an attempt to keep some sense of community, and you stay in the office a few extra hours because this level of dedication will surely be rewarded during the next cycle of pay raises and/or promotions (or so you keep telling yourself).

And so it goes. 3-6 days a week, 44-48 weeks a year, indefinitely… Unless you decide to change your predicament. How? I’ve come to discover it is not an easy task, I’m still working on it.

Just bear with me for a while.