Author: careercliches

I'm a manager and a trainer, a professional in wearing many hats. I have some lessons and perspectives to share, and want to hear those of others. This is not a career coaching site.

Where are you going?

Where are you going? I really need the ridiculous number of people outside during a global pandemic to answer this question. Because I don’t get it.

Same as my fellow NHS workers, I go to work because I have to, because I need to, because the health and well-being of the public requires it. Just like with many other healthcare workers, there are parts of my job that cannot be done from home.

About 50% of the people I see on my walk to work are observably out for the government prescribed reasons – essential shopping, dog-walking, exercise, going to work. The remaining 50% – I will ask you again – where are you going?

  • Dentists and GP’s are not seeing patients face-to-face and hospitals have restricted their appointments/surgeries significantly – so the reason can’t be medical.
  • Supermarkets have restrictions on number of items purchased and number of people they allow inside stores at any given time so a trio of people walking together couldn’t possibly be popping to the shop.
  • Most temples have closed, following government advice on gatherings, so it can’t be for religious reasons.
  • Schools and Universities are shut so you are not going to class or collecting your kids.
  • While having a chat and a laugh with your buddies standing on a random street corner, you are clearly not waiting for the bus.
  • Having the entire household of 5 people out for a walk at the same time not only maximises your family’s risk of exposure but also kills the possibility of any social distancing when we pass each other on the pavement. 6ft is tricky with 2 people involved, let alone when there are 6 of us.

And the part that baffles me the most is what part of this situation has not been clear? We have over 6000 TOTAL UK DEATHS. Young and healthy people have lost their lives to a very aggressive disease THAT WE DO NOT HAVE A VACCINE FOR! The Prime Minister is in INTENSIVE CARE… What exactly needs to happen for some of you to start giving a shit and finally take this seriously?

I genuinely wonder why you would actively disregard scientific and government advice on social distancing. Two possibilities emerge. You must be either incredibly selfish or incredibly stupid.

I KNOW it sucks.

I KNOW it’s hard.

I KNOW it has an effect on mental health.

I KNOW many businesses are loosing money.

I KNOW many pre-paid events are being cancelled

I KNOW keeping your focus and productivity while sitting at home can be hard.

I KNOW home-schooling is tough.

HOWEVER…. Unlike so many of our grand-parents were, we are not at war. We are not being forced to hide in a bunker or improvised shelter with little food, no day-light and no fresh air.

We are being asked to sit at home and send business emails from our sofas. To stay indoors and binge Netflix specials while rolling around in hoarded toilet paper.  It is basically government mandate to work in your pajamas. Yet somehow, for some of you that is too much to ask!

  • I still have people arguing with me EVERY DAY over why the hell we won’t do their routine hygienist visit, or re-cement a wobbly bridge, or why they can’t collect their whitening trays…
  • We still have people being rude to supermarket staff and other key workers over restrictions and queues.
  • We still have couples on a stroll as if it’s just a regular spring day.
  • We still have people gathering at local outdoor hang-out spots.
  • We still have people sunbathing in parks.
  • And family picnics in parks.
  • And idiots complaining that the decision on park closure after 3000 people gathered there in ONE day is unfair and overly-restrictive.

I can go on and on and on….. The reality is this:

The longer you ignore this, the longer the lockdown will last.

The longer you act like this has nothing to do with you, the longer you will have no access to your dentist or GP, or any other primary care services except over the phone (in the best case scenarios).

The longer you casually roam around outside, the more the NHS will struggle to provide life saving medical care.

The more you pretend this couldn’t affect you, the more elderly and vulnerable people will be put at risk of infection.

The more you complain about your favourite cafes, shops and restaurants being closed, the less respect I will have for you.

The UK government has been very polite in asking, requesting, pleading, recommending,  and advising to please stay indoors and follow isolation rules to minimise the coronavirus spread,  protect the vulnerable, and the NHS. I myself, wrote a “please stay home” piece not long ago. But clearly propriety’s to no avail.

So instead, to conclude, I will borrow from Adam Mansbach’s words (as read by Samuel L. Jackson on Jimmy Kimmel last week):

“…you can still see your friends. Use the motherf**king app on your phone. But unless you just ran out of groceries, please! Stay the f**k at home!”

 

 

On behalf of your primary care providers: PLEASE, STAY HOME!

I cannot stress this enough – unless your job or health absolutely mandates it – please stay indoors!

In a time of a global pandemic,  why should the government of any country issue threats of strict lockdown measures in order to have its citizens comply with simple, straightforward advice on social distancing?!?! Is it ignorance? Selfishness? Malice? What part of it is so impossible to understand?

I am not a doctor or a virologist. I won’t be discussing the health implications of COVID-19. A lot of people seemingly don’t care about them, anyway. But I will explain the effect this level of carelessness actually has on health professionals on a local scale.

I work in dentistry. We have an NHS contract and over 5000 patients. We are classed as a primary care provider, meaning we are part of the set of services in charge of the day-to-day healthcare of the general population. We are also part of the network of urgent care providers – in our case toothache, dental and maxillofacial trauma, minor oral surgery, oral infections and abscesses, oral cancer detection, etc. Just like we cannot advise on what blood pressure medication would be best for you, most of what we do cannot be substituted with advice from your GP or local pharmacist. Most A&E departments are not equipped to assist with dental problems either. And currently all of the above are overwhelmed.

In a time of mass business closures, NHS dentists remain open as part of the general effort to provide essential health care services to our local communities. We follow strict infection control and decontamination procedures at all times. And since COVID-19 made the global headlines, those measures have increased tenfold. Yet, the risk to our health and to our ability to provide those essential services has not decreased a single bit. Why?

Let’s see:

  • People ignoring government advice
  • People ignoring GP advice
  • People ignoring dentist advice on non essential visits.
  • People not wearing face masks when in public
  • People ignoring our pleas to use the hand sanitiser available in the practice
  • People coming to the surgery with flu-like symptoms
  • People having picnics in the park while a contagious viral disease is sweeping through the country, etc,

Our team consists of 9 people (only 4 of whom are dentists). What happens if one of us gets sick? Even with the current escalation of case numbers and deaths, the authorities still refuse to test  primary care workers for suspected COVID-19. Following the current advice form Public Health England, the sick individual plus everyone they have been in touch with recently have to self-isolate for 14 days. In a team of 9  – that is the entire practice!

Other surgeries have already had to shut down due to staff shortages, putting an additional strain on an already struggling NHS. We are doing our best not to join them. But trust me, no amount of Personal Protective Equipment and surface disinfectants INSIDE the surgery can protect us from the level of disregard for public health some people are displaying on the OUTSIDE.

We are here to help, but we can’t help you if we are all on sick leave. And there are only so many NHS dental practices and community dentists able to remain open in each area. So please, don’t ignore the specialist advice! Help us (and your GPs and your pharmacists) help you. Protect the elderly and the vulnerable, protect the very young.  Protect your healthcare workers. Wash your hands and PLEASE, STAY HOME!

2020.03.18 Digitial Screen 720x1280

Poor Customer Service is a Symptom

In a previous post I touched upon the issue of unreasonable customer demands and behaviours. Today we’ll discuss Customer Service Desks and how they manage to irritate me.

IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER: I’ve been (and in many ways still am) on the receiving end of the phone call/email, so I am well aware of the following:

  1. how busy the job is
  2. how long it actually takes to get things resolved and why
  3. how robust and restrictive certain company policies and scripts can be
  4. how rude, misinformed and unrealistic some customers can be
  5. how long and tiring the shifts are and how low the pay can be
  6. that as far as management is concerned, quantity is often preferred to quality in terms of productivity
  7. that some things are out of our control i.e. third party vendors, suppliers, regulatory agencies, couriers, etc.

Having said that, let me tell you what I have zero tolerance for:

  1. incompetence
  2. indifference
  3. robotic replies
  4. illusions of grandeur
  5. outright buffoonery

Unfortunately, I am met with these way too often in both the public and private sector. The bigger the company, the worse it gets – mo’ people, mo’ problems.

X Mobile Company: In 2017, their broadband department got my name wrong, although I have been their mobile customer for 7 years; name can’t be updated unless I close my account and open a new one; When I moved house, 2 months of absolute nonsense ensued during which I have no broadband at home (but am of course paying for it), and when after 6 calls with 6 different people who never wrote anything down the issue was finally “rectified”, the existing order got cancelled and a new one restarted the whole process, pushing any installation/activation date further into the future every time; 10/10 “would” recommend….

X Telecoms Company: Quote: “Your business Fibre Broadband and new monthly business call plan will go live on X date. It will happen automatically so you don’t need an engineer and there will be no interruption to your service.” Date X arrives – no phone, no broadband, no engineer for THREE days. When the bill arrives there is a £245 charge for an engineer callout that was their fault. You call to dispute it, they agree on a refund but end up adding it as another charge. You call again; four months later the account is finally credited the £500 owed.

X Government Agency: you call to make a payment on behalf of the company, but they tell you that you are not authorised to discuss the account on their records. You explain you are only calling to make a payment and they confirm that a payment will be ok. You tell them you will be paying with the company debit card (which is in your name). They say that is not allowed because they cannot verify you have authority to use said card with your name on it. They also suggest that if you were to use your personal debit card then you would obviously be the authorised person and it would be fine to process the payment. You ask “who in their right mind calls X Government Agency to make a payment on behalf of a company that does not belong to them from their personal bank account?” they say it’s just the rules.

X Courier: you pay good money for next day delivery by 1:00 pm, they take that as general preference only. You cannot contact the courier; the retailer can’t either; you end up going in store last minute before closing time, rushing after work to get the item you need because only 3 London stores actually have the item in stock (2 of them more than an hour away). They deliver your item 2 days later and the driver looks at you as if you murdered his childhood pet when you refuse the delivery stating you no longer require it because it’s too late.

X Card Processing company: you accidentally overcharge a customer and immediately issue a refund on their debit card. Card processor tell you refunds can take up to 10 days to process, you say that is too long, you ask them to cancel the card refund because you will issue it by bank transfer. Bank gets the work done. Card processor doesn’t simply cancel the transaction, they reverse it so the money leaves the customer account again. You call and argue; they say you should only issue card refunds because it otherwise creates confusion. You tell them their processes disregard yours or your customers’ convenience, and ask them not to touch anything else. You call the bank again.

X Bank: They flag up the call as suspicious activity as same transfer happens twice in 48 hours. They freeze the company account and multiple scheduled payments without notifying you or any of the authorized signatories. It takes a Friday night and a Saturday morning to unlock it and 4 different letters and phone conversations with 3 different people to get the payments processed and a complaint recorded. Bank responds with – “not clear what the problem was. If you would like to discuss this further please contact us again.”

X Dental Regulator: one of your employees would like to add a qualification to their already existing record. They are told they need a certificate of good standing from the dental council in their home country where they have not lived or worked in over 5 years. They tell you it has to be dated within the last 3 months. You say that it makes no sense, as the dental council of the home country has had zero dealings with your employee for the past 5 years. They respond with ‘this is our procedure, if you disagree that’s just your opinion, and if you keep asking for an explanation you will just be going in circles.’

X Online supplier: you called to place an order because their online store is not working; they ask you for the catalogue numbers. You repeat that their website is down and so you have no access to their catalogue.  They sigh with annoyance, the order is placed, and when you wish them a good day, they hang up the phone without saying anything back.

The saga continues on a weekly basis, but I will stop here.

Do you see a pattern? It’s a universal customer service problem and it frustrates me to no end. With every interaction of this nature, the following things become painfully clear:

  • Important information doesn’t get sent out,
  • you are often given wrong or incomplete information,
  •  the people you speak to don’t write down what you said,
  • when they do, no one else bothers reading it,
  • separate customer service teams don’t communicate with each other effectively,
  • a lot of people don’t have a clue as to what they are doing due to poor training or poor management
  • a lot of people don’t give a damn about what they are doing – no cure for that one!
  • Too often, the solution-oriented thought process is brought down to a minimum and people hide behind the cliches of “it’s company policy” and “that’s our standard procedure”.

So what does that say about the respective companies? It means that the recruitment processes and/or employee training programmes are below acceptable standard. It creates the impression that managers don’t care and that the company would rather cost it’s customers time, stress and money than invest in training employees properly and designing efficient policies.

When it comes to customer services, you can’t separate the individual from the organisation. An employee’s personal skills and approach to the customers goes hand in had with the support network provided by management and company policy. When either is lacking, what ends up filling the gaps is disappointment.

To my job hunters: Don’t let rejection bring you down!

When going through my papers a few weeks ago, I found my interview notes for a job I applied to back in 2013. The role was Engagement Coordinator for the Students Union of a top 5 British university that shall remain unnamed. Sadly, their SU had been – for a number of years – in the bottom 5 unions in the country as ranked by students. The interview task was a presentation outlining how we could improve the rankings and increase student engagement.

Now, you can’t propose a solution unless you know what the problem is. So I did my research.

Twelve handwritten pages. TWELVE. And this does not include the six pages of notes on the university, the role, the job description, etc. Twelve pages of task-specific notes.

Add the nearly 4 hour train journey from Liverpool to the interview location, where I gave my presentation (cut short due to time restrictions, but that was my fault) and did the interview.

Did I Get the job? LOL, NOPE. I was told I had come across as too negative during my presentation. “Fair enough” I said, “Thank you for your feedback!”

I learned a few things back then, and concluded a few others when I rediscovered my notes. In no particular order, here they go:

  • Job hunting is a full-time, ungrateful, and exhausting affair.
  • You can spend days/weeks working on an application/interview presentation/role-specific research and still not get the job or an acknowledgement of receipt or a “Thank you for attending. We’ll be in touch soon” email, etc.
  • You can interview for some high class organisations and be HIGHLY disappointed. So don’t always believe the hype. This is true for all industries.
  • Learn to condense your answers, presentations, etc. My presentation was cut short and it was my fault. I should have gone straight to the point – here’s what I‘m proposing. Instead I ended up talking more about the problems I found than the solutions I was suggesting. My hopes were they will see the full presentation when evaluating us after the interviews anyway. Not sure that’s how it happened.
  • Some companies don’t want to hear what they are doing wrong. During the rejection call, I was not told I didn’t have the experience or skills, or that the solutions in my presentation wouldn’t work. I was told I was negative. Well, I decided to check and the SU in question is still among the bottom occupants of the ranking table. Make of that whatever you will.
  • Fresh out of University, any job seems great. It’s that Young, Dumb and Broke syndrome we’ve all suffered from at one point or another (shout out to Khalid btw, that song is a tuuune!). Beware! Every step you take in the job market affects your future work life. Unless pressed by circumstance, DO NOT settle.
  • Rejection is not the worst thing that could happen in the recruitment process. Every application, every interview, every task, every step in the recruitment process earns you experience. Learn the lessons and start over.
  • Rejection can be a blessing. Had I gotten the Engagement Coordinator job I would be on a £19000 pa salary, living in the countryside, in a position where achievable change was limited by the University’s own organisation and governance. Instead here I am – in central London, with decision making authority,
    earning a whole lot more, and managing a team of lovely people.

My current job came along 5 weeks after that rejection call… So don’t let yourself be discouraged. Keep hustling, keep working on yourself, your skills, your network, your experience, your CV. Do your research well, be prepared, keep it brief and to the point.

Better things are coming!

The Joys of Customer Service: Part I

Most customers are nice, polite people with decent levels of patience and understanding.

Those select remaining few however… You are the reason for my occasional loss of sympathy. You are the reason behind Zero Tolerance policies.

Understandably, as a customer you expect swift, high quality solutions to pretty much every aspect of your problem, and you expect them to be delivered in a polite, knowledgeable and professional manner. (So do I, but this is what Part II will address.)

But what you have to understand is this – it goes both ways. The way you talk and act sometimes is appalling. You are not always polite, 70% of the time you are not knowledgeable, and while you pull every string of patience within the other person, you yourself happen to have none.  How would you react if I treated you the same way?

Exhibit A: You turn up an hour and a half late to an appointment, without any prior notice of your delay, and demand to be seen. Not only do you not care about our time and resources, but you are also unbothered about our other customers whose appointment times and schedules you are trying to mess up.

Exhibit B: You tell my receptionist that she should not talk on the phone in a language other than English because we are in an English-speaking country and it is not polite to the people waiting, while a minute later you answer your mobile – while sitting under the USE OF MOBILE PHONES IS PROHIBITED sign – in a language other than English. Flash news – our business is multicultural and so are our customers. The language spoken while answering customer queries does not concern you. If you have an issue with that, there are plenty of other places where you can receive the type of service we provide in English ONLY.

Exhibit C: You call on speaker-phone while walking down a busy street and accuse me of not speaking English when I tell you I can barely hear you.

Exhibit D: You are paying at the cashier in front of me, you ask that they double-bag your purchase, the employee asks whether you are sure as the item is quite light and your response is: “I don’t know what rules you have in your country but they don’t apply here. In this country you stick to our rules.”  Huh?

Exhibit E: You make a scene every time you have to wait longer than 10 minutes, but also make a scene when you can’t be seen immediately when you come in unannounced. So you have an issue if an earlier emergency appointment has delayed our schedule, but don’t mind your emergency delaying the appintments of others?

Exhibit F: You call in clueless/with an attitude, you cannot or refuse to answer any of our questions aimed at identifying your problem, but accuse us of not knowing what we are doing.

Exhibit G: The shipment container carrying your work is being held by Customs at Heathrow Airport;  you insist we get the job done regardless and immediately. In case you are not aware, we have zero influence over the imspections and processing times of a major international airport.

Exhibit H: You come in at 1:15pm for your 2pm appointment and sit down even when the sign on the door clearly states ‘Closed for lunch 1pm-2pm’. When we tell you it is our lunch break, you answer ‘I don’t mind’. Well WE mind, because now we cannot leave the premises to go grab a bite, we cannot run company errands that require us to leave the building, and we cannot all retire to the staff-room to enjoy a lunch break together because we cannot leave unauthorised persons unsupervised in an area which contains confidential information. So a member of staff has to sit outside and babysit you while waiting for someone to come swap them in order for all of us to get a chance to eat something. You are not concerned with any of this, you don’t mind, you are reading a magazine…

A career in Customer Service is a perfectly viable option that offers many wonderful opportunities, but no one tells you that having nerves of steel will sometimes be an essential requirement. Bob Hoskins had a great line in Maid in Manhattan: “Although we serve them, we are not their servants.” That is something I’ve told every person I have ever trained. The customer is always right is annimportant motto, but there’s always a limit to the amount of BS any one of us should have to put up with. Any manager who would allow a customer to be rude and abusive towards their staff, and/or other customers is not a good manager. Any company that allows such behaviour, and does not have policies and training programs in place to protect and prepare its employees, is not a good company.

Being polite costs £0.00, so be generous with it.

“Employers won’t even give me a chance!” Well, it might hurt you to read this, but half of you don’t deserve a chance!

IF:

  • You can’t be asked with Spell check and grammar on your CV
  • You are not bothered that the poor Google translate version of your CV is not even complete
  • Your Cover letter consists of only one line which happens to be “here’s my CV, let me know”
  • Your CV and personal statement are one massive cliché.
  • You answer all preliminary questions with a positive answer but your CV does not reflect said answers.
  • You clearly didn’t bother reading the job advert and the requirements listed.
  • I cannot tell dates of employment, employer names and key responsibilities from the essay-like style of your CV.

I will NOT be inviting you to an interview.

Let me clarify this first: about 50% of job applicants for most roles have a variable chance of getting the job. Said variability depends on a set of criteria comprised of essential and desirable qualifications, experience and skills. So out of that 50% only 5-10% will make it to the interview round because once everyone has the essential requirements covered, the extra bonus of the desirable skills comes into play. And I don’t need to remind you that Every. Point. Counts.

 

Some applications don’t even deserve the courtesy of a standard rejection reply. However, I do send them out because I know how disappointing it is when you hear nothing from a company at all, not even an acknowledgement of receipt.

Now, to the 50% that manage to overcome the poor application barrier – IF:

  • You cannot be bothered to respond to your interview invitation.
  • You request a different time because the original slot offered is not convenient and can’t be asked to confirm the proposed alternative.
  • You don’t turn up to your interview.
  • You turn up to an interview you had not confirmed your attendance to.
  • You come in for an interview and do not introduce yourself.
  • You come in and talk so much that I have to interrupt you in order to ask you the key questions.
  • You can’t be asked to send in your references as agreed or to kindly decline the opportunity.

Then your chances to get the job drop even further. Because what might seem as an annoying set of details to some of you,  is actually an indication of one or more of the following:

  • You don’t care, plain and simple. (Tip #1: If you don’t care, don’t apply)
  • You do not respect my time. I take time out of a busy schedule to acknowledge your application, read your CV and cover letter, reply to you, send you an interview invitation, interview you, coordinate with other members of staff who may need to be present for your interview, contact your references, etc. If you send me a crap CV, I’m not going to call you to ask for clarification on what it says, I will reject it IMMEDIATELY (Tip #2: Google is your friend, plenty of templates out there).
  • You do not respect your own time. Sending out poor applications to what I am sure are multiple companies and not just the one I manage, is a waste of your most valuable resource – TIME. Coming out to an interview you are not prepared for or do not care for is also a waste of your time.
  • You have no regard for the company or industry I work for (Tip #3 You need the job to make money, I pay you to make the company money. That cannot happen if you bring down the company reputation score)
  • The ‘meticulous eye to detail’ and ‘outstanding communication skills’ you so ardently advertise in your personal statement are a damn lie.
  • Your professionalism and work ethic are rather poor.

Some of you might argue that some jobs are not worth the hassle. I have news for you; precisely this bitter attitude is what keeps you from getting hired. Because guess what: no matter what the job, there will always be someone who is more qualified, better educated, and better prepared; someone with more experience, a stronger work ethic, and who wants it more than you.

And while you sit and waste both your and my time, they are out there getting paid.

Think of TIME as an asset

Would you say you value your time? If yes – in what terms?

Time is one thing we definitely cannot gain back, so how we choose to spend our time has direct repercussions on our personal and professional lives.

Every hour you spend in the office or working on a project has a monetary value as specified in your contract. Every hour you spend away from the office/project is time when you are not generating income. This allows for time to be categorised as follows:

  1. Business Hours, where (X hrs)(£Y/hr)=Salary
  2. Work-related Hours a.k.a overtime, work from home, commuting, etc.
  3. Free Personal Time – its value is not expressed financially but through your health, social life and personal development.

Business hours are clear so I will not elaborate on them. Work-related hours however,seem to create occasional confusion. Unless the company you work for compensates you for extra hours via contractual overtime pay or the opportunity to take equivalent time off, I encourage you to be mindful of the overtime you do. Every minute of it is time away from your family and friends, from your health and fitness regime, from learning new languages and skills. I myself am a bit of a workaholic and I’ve spent more extra hours in the office than I should have. With time I noticed that at least half of the overtime does not matter: there will be more work waiting for you the next morning; none of the tasks are a matter of life and death, leading to the financial collapse of the company; the dedication of extra hours does not constitute a factor for promotion or an outstanding work ethic award; and some of the tasks can be completed from the comfort of your own home. Hence, I have been working on filtering through my tasks in order to minimise overtime as much as possible. I advise you to do the same.

Now commuting has to be my favourite aspect of business-related time. Although it is a work related activity, it is rarely reimbursed by employers, and so the longer you commute, the longer your time is poorly invested. Living further away from work may save some money on rent, BUT your travel expenses are bound to increase and fill the gap. Spending more time on buses and trains than you spend in your own home is eventually detrimental. My commute is 15 minutes, (35 mins if I walk). Rent in the area is higher than if I were to move out to Zone 3 or 4. However, any money I save will go directly on my Oyster card and my travel time will increase by 30 minutes at least. The relocation would not be profitable and so I’m resolved on staying in the area.

This finally brings me to the Personal aspect of time. How you choose to spend your free time is up to you. I spend mine reading, walking, resting, writing articles, doing house chores, talking to family and friends, working on my project management qualification. Although free time does not generate financial profits, its social, emotional, and psychological value is very important. What you do/think/learn in your spare time eventually makes you a better person and a better professional. If you are contemplating a career move, it is time you can dedicate to your research and presentations, to ensuring you are the best candidate you can be for the role you’re going after.

Cut the fruitless activities, meetings, conversations and interactions from your life and spend the time saved on improving your skillset and thinking about your future goals. Not all calls, texts and emails are worth answering, not all tasks are worth losing sleep over.

Time is an asset. Invest it wisely.

The Motivation Cliche

What motivates you?

What motivates your work and studies?

What motivates your job search?

Is it passion for the subject, interest in the project/company/organisation, the career progression opportunities, the salary, the location, the team, the benefits package? None of the above?

Figuring out what motivates you is crucial  if you ever want to answer the “Why do you want to work for us?” with any degree of honesty.

Fresh after graduation or while still studying, this question generates a high level of exasperation in young people. Because 85% of the time the honest answer is “Because I need a job and you happen to have an opening that will pay enough so I don’t starve.” But you can’s say that. You really want to, but can’t. And so you come up with an elaborate answer aligning your interests and future career goals with the company’s “vision” and projects and hope for the best.

Although I find the idea of money being the primary factor for anyone’s job applications sort of revolting, we have to admit that it is important. Unfortunately, there are companies who fail to realise just how important. Once you are older and more experienced you look for other things of course – maternity/paternity leave arrangements, pension schemes, annual holiday, bonuses etc. Because you can afford looking for other things. But once you are older and more experienced you also know exactly how much your talent is worth.

When a job posting’s desired skill set list is 45 items long (with a minimum of 3 years related experience) but the salary offered is £23000 pa max you can’t help but laugh. We are not talking about a small business or a start up here, where any career move can be classified as a leap of faith. This particular example is from an international company, well known. It makes you wonder whether their recruitment process is a spin off of the hunger games – only those excited by the prospect of going hungry and broke while working on highly demanding projects will be invited to an interview… How much do you have to love a company or a project to agree to this? What should the development and progression opportunities be to make it worth it?

Long ago my job search used to be a bit hectic. I had my eyes set on an industry or two but the roles I used to apply for were almost everything and anything as long as it is within that industry. Big mistake. It was a lot of work that produced zero results. So I thought about it – what do I want? What do I know and what can I do? What would I like to learn? How much would I like do get paid?  Where do I want to live? What holidays do I like to take? What roles allow for part time study and flexible working hours? Would I like to work from home? What team do I want to work with? What projects would I like to be associated with? Do I prefer independent work or carrying out instructions? Where do I want to be in 3/5/10 years time?

This filtered out 70% of the advertised roles. And with the remaining 30% I have decided to focus – research, network (whenever possible), re-qualify (if necessary), target and apply. It is a thorough process but it does render much better results in the end. And even if a particular role does not happen for you, you will have gained skills and contacts that you wouldn’t have otherwise. If you apply aimlessly you are just a number, if you target your projects you become an asset.

So… what motivates you?

The Handshake

I was planning to leave this one for later, but as I embark on yet another journey to find a receptionist I come to realise that it cannot wait.

To all young professionals, graduates and job-seekers out there:  Learn how to shake hands! I am not even talking about firm vs weak handshakes (and I hate weak handshakes with a passion); I am talking about the general principle behind them.

It is mind-boggling to me that independent, educated adults, many of whom with various years of work experience, do not understand the relevance of introductions and first impressions. Presentation is a big part of the game.

Endless numbers of career coaching pages advise on how to prepare for an interview, what to wear, what questions to ask, how to follow up after. Those pages are out there for a reason. Read them.

If you come in for an interview, barely introducing yourself and mumbling, and I have to prompt you for a handshake expectantly, well that is STRIKE 1… and we haven’t even spoken yet.

In most cases, I am not that fussed about your outfit, and I am not even that worried about you being here 15 minutes before the scheduled interview time (I’m well aware that this is London and TfL can be a pain), but I do care about how you act once you arrive and after we are done talking. The handshake is the opening and closing scene of your personal presentation. The one at the beginning says “Hello, I am pleased to be here! I am ready to discuss my credentials with you!“;  the one in the end says “Thank you for your time! I’m looking forward to being a part of your team!“.  This is regardless of how you feel your interview went! You must open, perform and close on a confident note. There is a thing called interview etiquette, however I will talk about it in another post.

You want me to want you to work here, you are the one who should be thanking the interviewer for their time, not the other way around. You can sell your resume in a 100 different ways, but learning how to sell yourself and your character is just as important.

Keep that in mind next time you go in for an interview.

 

To all the people who think that “Your English is great” qualifies as a compliment

I am 100% behind the expectation to know the language of the country in which you happen to live and work (just like I support the expectation of knowing the address of the dentist you are going to, prior to leaving the house).

HOWEVER… while there are some poor vocabularies and strong accents out there (and I’m not even counting the ones WITHIN the English language across Britain), the assumption that a foreigner cannot speak proper English, or that people from certain parts of the world speak bad English by default, pisses me off to no end.

My personal favourites: “Oh, you’re Bulgarian?! But your English is so good! I would’ve never guessed.” OR  “Bulgarian? Really? Your English is great, you speak without any accent!” OR “You’re Bulgarian?! But you were raised here right? Because your English is really good” OR “Your English is great! I can understand perfectly everything you are saying!”

Every time I’m told any of this I smile and nod, and say “Thank You” while on the inside I’m just like : “HOW ABOUT YOU FUCK OFF!?!?!”

1) I DO NOT have a speech impediment and YOU AREN’T hard of hearing. Of course you will understand everything I say, you prick! Comprehension, however, is a separate issue, because it requires a level of intellect which you have just proven not to have.

2) Being a native of an Anglo-Saxon country DOES NOT guarantee perfect and/or accent free English. If it did, then the North East should be a sovereign state based on language alone…

3) I, just like many others worldwide, started learning English in pre-school. That’s 20 years ago! That’s more time spent with English grammatical rules than a good percentage of the natives, so yes I DO speak English correctly and I know how to use slang properly. U get me?

4) A am a certified English teacher, and a Russell Group graduate. The world of academia has concluded that my English is at a high enough level for academic discussion and research, and that my spelling, grammar and vocabulary are good enough to be taught to other people. And I am not the only foreigner with this type of qualifications! Hence, your bewilderment at the clarity of my pronunciation is both surprising and pathetic. I live and work in the United Kingdom, speaking English properly is kind of a rule. They actually teach us that in Immigration and Welfare 101 before we come over here! (And NO, that’s NOT a real class, you prejudiced twat!)

So yes, I am a Bulgarian with a brilliant English. You going on a rant about strong Eastern European accents you’ve encountered does not make your “compliment” any less offensive. And yes, yes, I know – you are not saying it maliciously; most of the time you actually think you are being really nice and friendly. I STILL DON’T GIVE A SHIT!

I’ll keep smiling and nodding in gratitude but just know that while I’m nodding I’m wishing you orbited a black hole*.

*10 points for those who get the science behind this statement